Monday, December 16, 2019

Holiday Greetings from Pinky Claus


Mommy told me to say ho, ho, ho instead of ruff, ruff and ruff. And since the mailman isn’t here yet, I’ll be quiet. Ruff or not, this has been a rough year. Get it?

Anyway, she made this silly hat, and thought I should model it for all the world to see. Isn’t that hilarious? I can count her blog followers on one paw. It’s not like she’s some sort of 'influencer'. Do you think I listen to her? Hardly, ever. But it’s the holidays and the area around my heart is filled with gas and something called unconditional love. So, here I am in the hat. (Small shout out to my online friends Agatha and Winston who are probably dying of laughter. Wish we could sniff each other. If you want to meet them click here:)

The stuff mom’s been passing off as health food sucks. Plus, dad tries to sneak in some gross liver pill. Everything they eat smells better than the stuff in my bowl. It’s so unfair. When I beg for a scrap, they give me a pat on the head telling me I’m cute. Liars! How can I believe them? I’m losing weight and they still won’t make me a rib-eye steak!

Well, as I mentioned above, this past year has been an obstacle course. Not just for me, but for all of us. I’m tired of it. Especially that vet place where the other patients look big and mean like they want to eat me. Sorry, I’m still having flashbacks regarding my little sister who met a big mean dog near the park. (Very sad story but she’s at some rainbow place.) Mom says I have a dog version of PTSD. Personally, I think she does. I cheer her up with licks.

I’m even boycotting my tennis ball. She throws it, and I watch as it lands on the grass, and for some strange reason I think it looks nice sitting right there on the lawn. Guess my bones don’t feel like running and lunging anymore. Man, I used to be hyper. I’d dash around the house like a racehorse and jump onto the dining room table looking for leftover morsels. At least I still have energy to yell at that mailman. And, with any luck I’ll still be slinking around here next year at this time.  Meanwhile, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday filled with fabulous belly rubs and the awesome snacks from my dreams. 

Wishing all of you the Happiest, most joyous New Year ever! 

Monday, December 9, 2019

My Intangible Slant on The Twelve Days of Christmas


The original Twelve Days of Christmas is a popular carol written in 1909, by an English composer named Frederic Austin. The song refers to some strange, expensive gifts. I mean why would anyone want seven Lord's a leaping for a Christmas gift, unless they're putting on a show, and need a group of guys to dance in front of the chorus? (Believe it or not, I've been there.) 
Truthfully, I think it's a unique, annoying song that permeates the holiday season with repetitive lyrics we've heard a gazillion times. So, I changed it up a bit in order to reflect true, intangible love, which is not supposed to be based on high-priced gifts or partridges in a pear tree. (This doesn't mean we don't like gifts--especially expensive ones. But come on!) 
Items in the original song would probably cost at least $50,000 dollars in today's money. Five gold rings? Swans and geese? Sheesh, we have zoning laws that prohibit poultry and French hens in my community. I guess true love can be impractical. Take for example my book Penniless Hearts which takes place a week before Christmas in the Hawaiian islands. I think my book demonstrates that romance and sanity are sisters from another mother. The bad guys want the money and all Penny wants is love. John loves Penny with all his heart. A breakdown of communication causes everything to go haywire. But remember, it's Hawaii. What can go wrong?   



On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
A garden of flowers and trees.

On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
Two smoochy kisses
in a garden of flowers and trees.

On the third day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
Three home-cooked meals,
Two smoochy kisses
In a garden of flowers and trees.

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
Four blooming rose bushes,
Three home-cooked meals,
Two smoochy kisses
In a garden of flowers and trees.

On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
Five bear hugs,
Four blooming rose bushes,
Three home-cooked meals,
Two smoochy kisses,
In a garden of flowers and trees

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
Six romantic smiles
Five bear hugs,
Four blooming rose bushes,
Three home-cooked meals,
Two smoochy kisses.
In a garden of flowers and trees.

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
Seven love poems,
Six romantic smiles,
I tried to draw a woman showing her surprise. 

Five bear hugs,
Four blooming rose bushes,
Three home-cooked meals,
Two smoochy kisses,
In a garden of flowers and trees.

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
Eight uplifting emails,
Seven love poems,
Six romantic smiles
Five bear hugs,
Four blooming rose bushes,
Three home-cooked meals,
Two smoochy kisses,
In a garden of flowers and trees.


On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
Nine back massages,
Eight uplifting emails,
Seven love poems,
Six romantic smiles
Five bear hugs,
Four blooming rose bushes,
Three home-cooked meals,
Two smoochy kisses,
In a garden of flowers and trees.

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
Ten truthful-sounding compliments,
Nine back massages,
Eight uplifting emails,
Seven love poems,
Six romantic smiles
Five bear hugs,
Four blooming rose bushes,
Three home-cooked meals,
Two smoochy kisses,
In a garden of flowers and trees.
Eleven cups a brewing,
Ten truthful-sounding compliments,
Nine back massages,
Eight uplifting emails,
Seven love poems,
Six romantic smiles
Five bear hugs,
Four blooming rose bushes,
Three home-cooked meals,
Two smoochy kisses,
In a garden of flowers and trees.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
Twelve advent chocolates,
Eleven cups a brewing,
Ten truthful-sounding compliments,
Nine back massages,
Eight uplifting emails,
Seven love poems,
Six romantic smiles,
Five bear hugs,
Four blooming rose bushes,
Three home-cooked meals,
Two smoochy kisses,
In a garden of flowers and trees.


Merry Christmas to you!