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Friday, July 24, 2015

Gambling on The Odds and Challenging Myself


Different jokes for different folks. As you know, it takes a lot to make certain people smile. To be honest, some of these didn't test well with my beta audience. Hey, I am still working on my humor writing--but with so much going on in the world-- bottom line--it's been a tough year. If you grin, laugh or snort please let me know in the comments. Your gracious support and white lies are appreciated.


This first joke was tested on the audience at
 Humor Writer's of America and received two likes. Well at least one.

Two marshmallows walk into a bar.
The first one asks the bartender for chocolate.
The second one asks for graham crackers.
(Bartender keeps chocolate on hand for fancy cocktails and happens to have graham crackers hidden way in the back—but that’s another story. Right now, he’s pissed and wants to throw these two troublemakers out, but it’s a hot summer day and they already look a bit charred.
Anyway, when they’re finished eating they both say, “Give me somemore!” “Smore!!”

 ...badaboombadabing....
True story:
Divorce Attorney: When did you begin to feel resentment?”
Man: That horrible day we were married.
Divorce Attorney has a surprised look on his face. “Huh?”
Man: She made me wear a mint green tuxedo!”


...moving on.... 
True Story:
“Hey, I hear you got a divorce-- thought you liked being married to a magician.”
“Nah, his best trick was making me disappear.”










True Story:
My ankle biter is smarter than your chihuahua.
No, she’s not.
Yes, she is. She knows her ABCs.
A for Arf, arf, arf.
B for Bark, bark Bark
and C is for Chomp, chomp, chomp. Oops.Told ya!


...customer service....
True Story:

A man calls Victoria Secret to order his wife an anniversary gift.
“Excuse me but I’d like to order that negligee in your catalog.”
“Which page sir?”
“Page four--the one with the anorexic teenager.”
That’s a supermodel.
“Wonderful! My wife is also a super model.”
“Really?”
Well I work for Boeing Ma’am and I call her my Super, model C-17.
C-17? Isn’t that a giant cargo plane?
Yes Ma’am.
He can hear her type into the computer.
Here we are; that nightie comes in pink, blue or yellow.
I’ll take pink.
What size?
Do you have XXXXXXXXXXL?
No sir. Our XL fits up to a roomy size 8. If she’s larger than an 8, we can’t help you.
Figures. Thanks for nothin'.
Don't blame me. Sounds like she needs a hangar. 
Hanger?
No, a hangar. Call the airport.

    
Bad Puns:

Did you hear about the guy working at the textile mill?
No, what about him?
He dyed.

That’s like the guy at the paper bag factory.
Is he still around?
Nope, he got sacked.

Or the man at the soap factory--guy had an excuse for everything.
What about him?
They caught him in the lye.



Knock Knock Jokes

True Story-Abbott and Costello style.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Share
Share who?
Like the one who loved Sonny.
That was Cher.
That’s what I said.
No, you said Share.
So, why don’t you?
Why don’t I what?
Share some of your cake and let me in.
But I don’t know you. Who are you?
I said, my name is Cher.
How do you know I have cake?
Because the door said bakery.
Well we don’t have any.
Why not?
We bake them to order.
Well it’s an order. Bake.
Get lost!!!

One more:
I drew this for a children's story
 I've worked on for years.


Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Owl?
Owl Who?

Owl bet you’re bored of my jokes.





Well, if you stayed awake and reached this point you're officially either a good, patient friend or a person who loves silly jokes. Perhaps you have nothing better to do today and you picked my humble little blog from among the competition. I feel very special. Whatever the reason, thanks for reading, enduring and commenting on my post and I hope something here made you laugh, at least making your lips turn upward a skoosh. Thanks for visiting!

10 comments:

  1. Bad puns are fun!

    I'd be annoyed by wearing a mint green tux too!

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  2. I love the Victoria Secret joke! And I also was quite impressed with the owl picture. Good work.

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    1. Thank you for your kind comment Kathy! The owl picture is a work in progress!

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  3. hahahahaha I only know three jokes but I enjoy a bad pun as much as anyone.
    I really love Owls and your drawing is really wonderful.

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. Bad puns are exactly that. LOL Thanks for the nice comment about my silly owl pic.

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  4. I'm trying to figure out how to spell the sound of a toilet flushing....

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    1. Would that be a swooshing, swirling sound or a gargling glunk?

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  5. I am hopeless at remembering jokes and usually get them wrong! I enjoyed the puns, always good for a laugh. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

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    1. Thank you for returning the visit Suzanne!

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