The Fiona and Pinky Debates

Pinky

Fiona

(PPN) Last night’s primary debate intensified and ended with both sides howling, baring teeth and yet still mugging politely for the cameras. “I like Pinky,” Fiona shot back towards the end. “In fact, she’s very entertaining. But she’s also a liar.” The two sides leveled personal attacks on issues ranging from foreign policy, sleeping arrangements at the White House and immigration.  

Though each side scored some points, it seemed Pinky turned in a noticeably better performance. Her mild mannered comments and quick wagging tail gave viewers and voters hope for the upcoming election. “You will do or say anything,” she shot back with a smug smile and an assertive tone. After the moderators rang the bell, she added, “You don’t belong in the White House, unless it’s some small whitewashed doghouse out near the Rose Garden.“

Fiona’s camp thought she made some points talking about the harsh conditions for Chihuahua’s coming across the border. “My immigrant parents had to work hard to make sure I made it to the United States. I was born in Arizona and immediately separated from my siblings. My adoptive mother couldn’t keep me and a nice older couple in California raised me. You aren’t even a full-blooded American-Chihuahua. Your mixed heritage and time spent in the shelter make you a questionable candidate. When elected, I plan on making sure the wall has small places for digging opportunities so that other Chihuahuas can find a home.”

“Digging?” Pinky knew she had the upper hand when it came to digging. “Look at your tiny paws and compare them to mine.” She held up a paw and smiled for the cameras. “My adoptive parents rescued me from that shelter and couldn’t keep me due to illness. I dug my way out of the barricades they put up and held daily demonstrations about the harsh living conditions I endured while they were ill. That’s when Eve and Steve took me in and made sure things would be better. Steve served five years in the Army and taught me discipline. Something Fiona knows nothing about. As a young pup, I held sit-ins, marches for various causes and rallied for our troops. If you want a true American in the White House then cast your vote for me.” The bell rang and Fiona’s ears stood straight up before she ran around in circles and began barking her head off.

"Sorry, about that," Fiona told the audience."It's a doorbell thing."

The moderators decided to forgo the bell in order to settle things down before any further questions could ensue. Though pundits on cable television are calling the debate a tie, it seems only time will tell which candidate had their wet nose on the pulse of American voters, in this unusual race for the Presidency.